Monday, August 1, 2011

第2485日

秋天又悄悄地来了,虽然天气还是这么地热。

你还好吗?呵呵,我也不知道为什么每次写给你的东西都那么的例牌,有时候习惯了就真的改不过来了。

想跟你说,天杀的acca终于给我考完了,我已经是affiliate了。你知道吗,成绩公布的那天,天知道我那天的工作是怎么做的。到了晚上回到酒店,我一直都在refresh我的邮箱,当终于看到accaglobal的来信,我又开始犹豫该不该去click它。我怕呀,我怕我又食言了,我怕我答应你的东西我做不到呀。其实当初看你考得时候一张一张的过,也不见得有什么难处,可是为什么轮到我的时候那道坎却像是无法逾越,还好最后我过了,虽然迟了两年。

毕业典礼那天,我的家人朋友都有出席,拍了几张照片,你应该都会看到。毕业那天,我的心情很奇怪,我明明等了今天很久,但是当天,我却没有过分的喜悦,心里空空的,总觉得少了点什么。那一霎那,我发觉原来,在我一直期望能赶快考完的同时,我竟然不希望我能这么快就考完。

很矛盾对吗?我也是这么觉得,因为人的本身就是个矛盾体呀!

你知道吗?前几天,有个人跟我说,我不会照顾女生,不是个绅士。只是很简单的一句话,我觉得我那天一定是鬼上身,不然我也不能解释为什么我会发脾气,毕竟,我自认我是个很能控制自己情绪的人,再也不是当初把心情写在表情上的那个小屁孩了。世界上,又有哪个是不戴着面具,每天在舞台上饰演着另一个角色呢?只有你,乔装术这么炉火纯青,我怎么都找不到你的面具。

其实我很认同她这句话的,我真的不会照顾人。因为你一直都很独立,没有任何事情是你做不到的,任何事都是你护着我,宠着我。也正是因为我不会照顾人,所以我才会到你被送入荣总的时候才知道你的病情。

有时候,我会想,如果你不是那么独立,如果你软弱一些,也许我也不会那么粗心大意,我真的很不称职。其实,应该怪我,我那时混得那么差,那么不让人省心,连想做顿饭给你惊喜都会烧焦,我怎么会让你放心呢?呵呵,你那整天掉筷子的习惯,是配合我,让我不那么难堪吧!

其实,我想告诉你,我现在做饭再也不会烧焦了,已经有能力去照顾别人了,呵呵,可是你却不给我这个机会了。

总之,那天我发了蛮大的脾气,当然,我坚持那是鬼上身,不然都很难做出一些自己都不明白的事情来。更加让我觉得鬼上身的是,隔天早上醒来,我发现我脸上都是泪痕。我真的没有哭,我那么坚强的一个人怎么会哭呢。那些都是鬼上身后的化学反应。

为了驱鬼,我找了klang附近的朋友出来--吃火锅。我的驱鬼法另类吧!但真的有效!那晚,我们喝着中国茶,开着炉,夹着海鲜猪肉蔬菜打牙祭,诉说着当年轻狂。没有喝酒,但当晚我们行径却有如醉了一般。那晚是我这几年来最真诚的大笑,我知道的,跟我平时戴着小丑面具的笑是不一样的,因为我那晚笑的时候,两边脸颊竟然流下两行清凉的东西。我急忙把它们随风挥走,害怕我的朋友会看到,因为那是驱散思念鬼的附属品。

说真的,我被鬼上身了很多年了,我也驱散了它很多年了。但是,原来,鬼也会进化的。我每一次驱散它,它都会有办法潜伏在我身体里,而且还会升级,升级成思念寂寞鬼。而被这种鬼上身有一些常见后遗症,那就是会无端端的在不哭的情况下流泪,而且会在发作时引发心悸,就算吸了整包烟都可能于事无补。但是,最痛苦的并不是这些后遗症,而是你不能把你被鬼上身的事与别人说,别人会认为你危言耸听,因为思念与寂寞是无法分享的。

看到这里,你又会觉得我的瞎掰功力不减当年吧!

去年今日此门中,人面桃花相遇映红,人面不知何处去,桃花依旧笑春风。

紫菱啊,我曾经听人说过,当你不能够再拥有,你唯一可以做的,就是令自己不要忘记。所以,真的不是我不遵守诺言不肯放下,可能我还没有遇到能让我分心去忘记的人。所以,你要赶紧保佑我啊,让我遇见那个人,不然我又要整天食言了,好吗?

Monday, December 20, 2010

没有林紫菱的日子

第2250日。雨水纷飞。

也许是雨天,也许是秋末冬初,我突然想写东西给你。

你知道吗?我爸昨天进院,今天开刀动手术。医生说过这次是个小手术,但我的心却异常烦躁。我发觉原来我还是这么懦弱,原来我还是这么胆小。我很害怕不知结果的等待,在命运的强大压制下,我显得脆弱。今早一进公司,我就拼命控制我的脸部神经来保持微笑,大声说笑,不能有片刻的安静。因为我知道如果我不这么做,我会撑不过我爸动手术的这几个小时。

看到这里,我知道你又会说这是我懦弱的表现,但是我不会反驳你,呵呵。

上天菩萨保佑,我爸手术平安,虽然会有些晕,间中还有呕吐,医生说是麻醉药的副作用,但是总算是平安度过。

其实我今天本来有8小时,上星期申请的time-off,但是我却没有拿假,因为我姐有回来,但是更大的原因是因为我自认无法再面对在手术室外等候的煎熬。

我害怕会像上一次一样,看着医生从手术室里出来,摇着头的样子。医生永远不会知道,他那天除了宣布了你的离去,也让很多个心被判了无期徒刑。

呵呵,老话重提,你在那边过得还好吗?

如果你那边有四季之分,现在应该是你最喜欢的季节吧?望着满天飞雪,看着口中呼出的热气,雪人丛堆,木建的cabin, 门前两幅对联,复古式暖炉,一壶温热的碧螺春,典型的“紫菱式”中西合璧。你在那边的场景应该是这样的吧?虽然我总认为有些格格不入,呵呵。

其实,天空之上的世界是否真的如你所说的那么美好?真的没有泪水吗?如果是真的,那你真的很自私。不过我知道你又会说,在这世界上呀,总是会有人走的比较慢,有人走的比较快;而你是走得快一点的那一个,我则是走得慢一点的那个。

但是,我不甘心啊!凭什么你总是快的那一个呢?你比我快来到这个世界,每次走路的时候总是比我快一小步,表白的时候也是你先我后;你做每件事情都先我一步,急先锋称号你当之无愧。即使你离开后,我还是追赶不上你的步伐。我报考的会计专业考试,到现在都还没有大功告成,如果是你的话,恐怕早就是affiliate了吧,毕竟你那时还只剩那最后两张paper了。

呵呵,我很失败吧,你想做的东西,我到现在都还没有完成一样。你不会怪我吧?

你知道吗,我其实很多个晚上都会梦到你。不是我不想遵守诺言去忘了你,而是很多时候,我都是很平静的做着一些很简单的东西,吃饭喝水睡觉,然后就会很疼痛的想起你,真的很疼,疼得我吸了整包烟都会疼。很多时候,明明已经告诉大脑不要在梦见你,但是你却不可思议的出现。很多时候,早上醒来发觉自己在哭,但我知道我不是伤心,而是从梦境回到现实,中间有一道必须跨过的裂缝;如果不流出眼泪,我便无法跨过。

其实,是你在搞怪,对吧?你在那里寂寞了,在想我,对吧?

可是,你寂寞了,我却更寂寞。而且,我发觉寂寞这个东西,不是和朋友出来喝几杯酒,ktv唱几首快歌就可以消去的。而且,寂寞真的不能说出口,只能深埋心中,因为到头来,当我发现,寂寞是无法与人分享时,我只会得到更绝望的寂寞。呵呵,你又会在说我瞎掰了。

紫菱,很多时候,我都在想,如果你没有来到星加坡,如果我们没有相识,如果你能早一个月回到荣总,结果会是怎样?

但是,佛说前世五百次回眸,才换来今生擦肩而过。我相信,我们前世一定回眸超过一千次。我永远都不会忘记,那个雨天,我彷徨失落的坐在路肩,你撑着扇,静静地站在我身边为我挡雨。从今以后,不会再有人可以给到我那时候的感觉。

最值得保存的留恋,并非是没有皱纹的皮肤,而是没有皱纹的想念。

Saturday, June 12, 2010

The Fake

They always said, "Actual doesn't always goes according to plan."

Well, that perfectly fit the Malaysia plan which comes every 5 years.

For the past 50 years, we have 9 Malaysia plan in total. But without me elaborating further more, we all know the plan thingie is more like a formality, something you will need to present every year, but it is of no much use. Just like the LAN subject, Moral Studies. We did it for the sake of doing it and until now I still don't know why I need to stay in the library from 9 am to 9pm on a fine friday, and carried on till 1 am in the foyer just to finish up the presentation. And I don't even do that for my ACCA subjects!

So, I presume "Malaysia Plan" = "Lan Subject".

But I personally feel Lan Subject was of greater use than the Malaysia Plan, because at least the Lan Subject can bring us joyful moment during the completion of project, orphanage visit, etc, but the Malaysia Plan only give us PAINFUL moment.

You are given beautiful promise every beginning of five years, just to realise it's in vain at the end of the five years. Not painful meh?

You are given 9 Malaysia Plan in total up to date, just to be told that you might go bankrupt in 2019. Not painful meh?

You are promised with a growing GDP since the 1970, just to realise that in 2010, we are actually not much better than our very good neighbour, Indonesia. Our not so good neighbour, Singapore, already ahead of us don't know since when. Not painful meh?

So, do you agree with me that we have to endure the painful moment every 5 years?

Today is 2010. And it's time for 1oth Malaysia Plan to be on the stage.

Do you think you still can anticipate anything from the Plan?

I would rather anticipate which country will win the World Cup.

Thus, I really could not understand why I hear so many people discussing/debating about the Plan, on TV, on newspapers, on radio, in pasar, in coffee shop, etc.

It is because no matter how perfect the whole Plan is, it would be futile in the end! It's better for us to discuss who will win in the next general election.

And yes, you might say there is a change for better in this 10th Malaysia Plan. You might say, at least there were no compulsory 30% Bumiputra shareholding for listed companies mah.

But, if you look carefully, the wording is something like this, "In 2015, Bumiputra shareholding should at least reach 30%." At of course, this wording is being made more beautiful and more acceptable to all people by saying, "This aim should be archieved with more transparency and based on meritocracy."

Talking about transparency and meritocracy in a country like Malaysia. Am I hearing a joke or what?

Because if we really want to practise transparency and meritocracy, do you know how many "RELATED-PARTY-COMPANIES" need to close shop? And how many people need to sell air syrup and mee goreng in pasar malam as a result?

If Malaysia could really practise transparency and meritocracy, we will not have a close door policy after the 1998 economy crisis and stupidly fix the forex rate at 3.80. If Anwar did not go against Mahathir and propose strongly to borrow funds from IMF and let those rotten related-party-companies to collapse, Anwar could still hold on to his Finance Minister post. The famous 'Sodomy' case will not happen. There would not be PKR also. And sorry Najib, you would probably have to wait a few years more before you could be the prime minister.

And most importantly, if we really want to practise transparency and meritocracy, what would be the reaction of Ibrahim Ali and his army PERKASA? They would probably create a big riot man!

The 10th Malaysia Plan still promises sweet candy, aiming at economic growth of 6%, an increase of 12.8% for both internal and external private investment, incentive for foreign talent, etc etc.

But, without changing the stubborn and bloody narrow mindset of certain group of people who made up nearly 70% of population of Malaysia, we could not archieve any breakthrough. We would probably going in a vicious cycle, round and round to the starting point every 5 years. And we seriously could go bankrupt in 2019 when there were no petroleum income to feed those hungry ghost anymore.

So, if there isn't any change, if PERKASA is not eliminated, the 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th Malaysia Plan would always be the same.

"Same BULLSHIT! "
(Famous quote from Ibrahim Ali)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Superman, Batman, Spiderman and 1Malaysia

Every Prime Minister of Malaysia got their own slogan/tagline. That's 1 of the way to show their own unique presence, to differentiate themselves from the previous Prime Minister.

During the satay-Mahathir days, we had the passionate 'WAWASAN 2020'. I still remember seeing those colourful posters, advertisements as well as partriotic songs during my primary school days. The then government portraited 'WAWASAN 2020' so real that I believe that it will be the reality in 20 years time. I'm once fascinated by the high-speed bullet train which I saw in 1 of the colourful posters. Back then, I always thought, what so great about US and those developed western countries? We will be at the same level too, in 20 years time, of course. Well, I was too young and too naive that time to believe something like that. Ehem, it's normal I think. Just like all of us once believe that 'Superman', 'Batman' and 'Spiderman' really exist in this world. Don't deny, everyone has its younger days.

So, it's 2010 now. Soon it'll be 2020. When China has introduced its 341km/h train, Malaysia has just imported 4 second-hand diesel train of speed 80km/h for RM30mil. And soon, I will have to painfully accept the fact that Malaysia Bullet Train remans as a fantasy. Yes, just like the facet that Superman actually doesn't exist.

Then, we had blah-la-la Pak Lah trying his hardest in the effort of OPPOSING CORRUPTION, soon after he had won the 11th General Election. To solve a problem, we usually set up a committee. So Anti-Corruption Agency a.k.a SPRM is set up. But it proved that to cut off the root of all evil in the government required more determination and preserverance than what Pak Lah equiped of. Look at the result. Malaysia's corruption ranking had fallen to 56, from 47 last year. We were ranked 23 in 1995 and today, we fell to the lowest ranking. We are moving backwards with SPRM. How could the ranking fall even after they have 'done so many' and put in so much of manpower and resources?

It appears to be the lack of political commitments. More and more cases are lieft unsettled while those cases brought to court ended up in loss. Where are the big fish that SPRM claimed? Please pardon my ignorance as I did not see any significant effort in countering corrouption.

Even if there is, it would probably be SENSITIVE and SECRETIVE, just like the landslide case.

What about V.K.Lingam's case? What about PKFZ scandal? And most importantly, what about mysterious death of Teoh Beng Hock? I use the word 'mysterious' and you know why. I do not want to end up like Mr. Lim Guan Eng. It has come to a point that we could not voice out our concern, we are banned from speculation, even if the truth is so obvious.

And all of us know, these cases will soon be entering the cooling period. And soon they will fade off because there are too many other issues arise that require our attention. GST, sugar subsidy, stolen engin, etc and etc. The government view all Malaysian as good citizen because of the 'nilai-nilai murni' or cultures such as forgetful and forgiveful. Every year, we will tell each other 'maaf zahir batin', and then every 5 years, we will forget all the bad that the government have done and voted them again.

These are the core values of a good citizen in Malaysia. And we are being treated like a small kid.

"Weep no more, boy, here is your little candy," said the Government.

Now, 2010. c4-maN-AJIB's Greatest Hits, "1MALAYSIA".

I wonder, what does 1Malaysia mean? I always thought it means '1Malaysia for all Malaysian'. But my rational again reminds me to grow up and don't believe in 'Spiderman' anymore. Marvel's heroes only exist in fantasy world.

Because, if 'great minds think alike', lol, then this tagline/slogan is super duper behind time again, for like 45 years.

In 1964, the then Secretary-General of PAP, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew once introduced 'Malaysian Malaysia'. This has stirred up a huge and violent consequence and resulted in the permanent separation of Republic of Singapore from Federation of Malaysia. I bet the 'Singaporean Singapore' now will be greatly relieved that they are OUT from the Bermuda Triangle that all Malaysian are going around now.

Ok, I am a coward and to prevent myself being ISAed or burnt for 'playing with fire' like what Mr. Lim Kit Siang had done in 1999, I will make the following statement: Mr. Lee Kuan Yew's 'Malaysian Malaysia' is different from Mr. Najib's '1Malaysia' because Mr. Lee opposed Article 153 of the Constitution of Malaysia. Err, somemore, I myself personally super support Article 153 lo.

Alright, abit out of topic. What I am trying to say is '1Malaysia' is just another propaganda, tagline, slogan and 'candy' for them to gain back their votes in the coming 13th General Election. And this propaganda isn't cheap as professional image designers are hired to make this a successful brainwash, using taxpayers' money of course.

Sorry people, for I know it's cruel to wake you all up from this beautiful sweet dream, but this is life and we do not live in the fantasy world like what the government trying to create. I feel super sad also when I first realised that my bullet-train is in vain. All the Christian out there, I also feel your pain when you wake up from your peaceful dream to learn that your churchs were burnt down.

To face the reality is super hard I know. Just like it took me very very long like 10 hours to realise that I am actually short, ugly and could not get a girl friend like Megan Fox.

The same goes to all the Malaysian. Malaysia is turning 53 years old this year, and we are all super grown up liao. Don't you think it is high time that we wake up to face the fact that 'Superman', 'Batman', and 'Spiderman' and all other upcoming Marvel's heroes only live in fantasy world while we are living in reality?

It took us super super long like 52 years to go through the 1969 Riots, 1971 New Economic Policy(NEP), Keris High-Five, Little Indian Temple, Chinese Squatters and the most recent Flaming Church. Sorry to say this, we actually know very well that there is a BIG DIFFERENCE between us:

You can spit out all kind of racial remarks and make all kind of disgusting gestures and only be suspended for a mere 1 year; but a gentle voice of mine or a Negarakuku song of mine would make me ended up in deep shit, jailed and even have to escape to other country.

You can have your demonstration openly and approved by the PM and shouted out loud loud for mere matters like translation of the name of GOD/Tuhan/etc, but I could not have my peaceful and romantic candle-light gathering for freedom of speech.

Therefore, YOU and ME know freaking well that YOU are DIFFERENT from ME. After numerous incidents, we already accepted the cruel fact that fair rights could not be given to all of us. So, please do not spent more money and effort on these futile slogans or taglines, just like those incomplete government project and white elephants. The word is 'ACTION speaks louder than all kind of SLOGANS'.

I would be happier and more grateful that you use all those money spent on these futile projects to subsidise the sugar of my teh tarik at the mamak stall or the water that my 'SLK'(Small Little Kancil) drink at the petrol station.

No matter how loud you shouted the slogan/tagline, no matter how sweet the little temporary 'candy' you give, we all are mature enough to realise the ugly truth behind all these as we are no longer small kids that believe in Superman anymore.

The TRUTH is, I always thought that I am a bloody racist, but, there are always people out there who are very much worse and more low life than me.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

A Letter To Jasper

Dear Jasper,

Firstly, Welcome To This World!

I am not sure whether you will be chinese or english educated, so I guess I would just use the international language since you are gonna live in Singapore at least for quite sometime and so it is impossible for you to dislike english, like me.

Ok, probably now I dont hate English, because now most of the time I had no choice but to use it. But last time when I was young, I really hate English. I always questioned why I had to learn 3 languages when people all around me just used 1 language plus a dialect. Because I am chinese-educated, i seldom got the chance to use english, and so I disliked it because by studying 1 more language means I got 1 less slot for play time. Therefore, my English sucks, and so next time when you grow up, I suggest you to use chinese when talking to me for better communication.

You would probably ask me, why you still learn it when you hate it? My answer would be, this is not like a survey questionaire where you can put a tick beside your favoured language. No box, all are under *required field. In other words, you got no freedom. But you are lucky because the place that you are living in, your *required field is only 2 languages. I dont think you would want to choose BM which is so damm useless in the country that you are staying in. Even for me, I regret for putting so much effort in BM when I was younger because it got no other use now unless for cursing.

No matter what, my advice to you is have a good command of English, because with it, you are 1 class higher. I dunno why, but the whole world think like this. And please do not hate chinese like some singaporean. Not because you will have a hard time talking to me, it is because no matter what, you are still a chinese. Your skin colour cant change to 'angmor' white. The person that I know of changing his skin colour is no longer living in this world but he is very influential and so you will sure find out who is him. 1 clue for you, he can be linked to Mr. Armstrong.

And if you can, please go and learn more languages. Japanese, Korean, French, Spanish, Italian...etc. You may say it's useless to learn so many languages but trust me, they will come in handy as you would never know who you gonna curse or court. Ok, maybe you can dont learn Italiano because Italian used hand signals most of the time. Not because they cant speak, I think because of their culture. You cant expect the GodFather to talk so much during gunfight rite?

But you do not need to worry about languages for now as you only can communicate using 1 language, which is to CRY. You cried to annouce that you have arrived to this world; you cried to tell your parents that you are hungry; you cried when you sense that there is danger in order for the adult to put you to safety.

I suddenly realised, there is no clue to show that life can be joyful. Laughter is useless after all. Human are easily depressed. 10 good things that happen in the day couldn't compensate a bad news received at night before you sleep. Even when 10 friends praised you, you would still feel sad after a stranger scolded you as stupid pig. Our happiness is not long-lasting, nor it is firm and solid. But, sad and misery were crucial for our living. Imagine if our ancestors living inside the cave are always so happy and joyful that they neglect the danger of the predators camping outside the cave, then I guess they could not live long gua. Therefore, joy and happinesses are nothing but just a trick that we played on ourselves. Well, if you want to argue about this, do it after you have seen any new born babies that come to this world along with laughter.

Jasper, as you grow up, you will find out that we like to create something that we hate it.

Example, 'Monday'. Monday is the indication of the end of vacation, the start of work and study.

We created Monday ourselves, and then we hate it. But if you ask me, since we hate it so much, why dont we let it come only once a month?

Well, Jasper, I think I could not answer this question.

We also created this thing called 'COMPETITION', which will make us unhappy. I know, there is a need for competition. Just like the gazelle being eaten up by the leopard because it runs slower, the shorter plant could not enough sunlight compared to the taller plant, etc. But these are just the basic law of the nature. It is not the same as human's competition. We are so insane that we will go to the extent of calculating who runs faster than who by 0.01 second and who scores higher than who by 0.1 mark. Then, different movies shown in the cinema are competing among themselves; different songs standing on the billboard are also competing among themselves; those rich people are also competing to get to the top position of a chart created by some stupid magazines; those pretty girls are also competing among themselves to be the Miss World or Miss Universe, like she is going to represent us to meet up with the aliens from outerspace.

This is like, Strawberry and Rose, which are more red? Cloud and Moon, which are fairer? Which idiot would be interested in these thing?

But ironically, a lot of people take these competitions seriously. And I am one of them. No question about it.

You will be the same too, Jasper.

As you get older, you will involuntarily enter into different types of competitions. And soon you will become competitive. And soon you will end up judging people by using 'success' and 'failure' as the only gauge.

Well, there is nothing wrong about it. But when you start to feel that this 'success' and 'failure' thingie make you feel sad and depressed, make you doubt about your existence in this world, or even make other people around you to feel uncomfortable; I guess that should serve as a warning alarm to you.

Then, when you get even older, you will realise, all those tears, sweats and efforts that you put in just to obtain the top 3 position in class or to emerge as champion in some nonsense competitions are all so laughable. LOL.

And then when you get old enough, some people who have nothing else better to do will start to ask you some stupid questions. An example of these question is, "What would you choose for, a good-looking appearance(handsome), or a good-functioning brain(smart)?"

If you ask for my answer, it would be, "Good-looking."

It is not because I looked ugly now. It is because, you will know whether you are good-looking or not as soon as you look into the mirror. But you probably will not know that you got a stupid brain until the rest of your life.

If really there were someone asking you this question, and you feel like entertaining them, I don't mind that you copy my answer since you are my nephew.

So, this is a basic and simple introduction of the world that you gonna live in for quite a long time. Well, things that I mentioned are mostly my interpretation after arriving here earlier than you for 20+ years. If it doesn't fit for your generation, it is my bad. Everything will change, isn't it?

Therefore, my words might not be true after all. Haha. Well, what do you expect? I am just 21 years older than you, not like I am some willy old wise man that gone through all the experience in life....

So, you will have my blessings upon your arrival to this world. Remember, cry and laugh when you feel you need to, even when you think you have to cry and laugh at the same time. It is not that you are insane, it is just some precious moment of your life experience in this world.

That's all for now. Take good care. Ok, I think my bro and sis-in-law will take good care of you. Till then, bye!


Yours sincerely,
Uncle Soon.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

August's Blue

I nearly forgot that I had a blog.

I am having a nearly 2-month holiday now, starting from 11 June to 17 August. That's when my result come out and I probably have to go for resit classes.

Thus, I guess I still dun need to go work at the moment.

This is the 1st time I am having such a long vacation, since my PMR days. Yeah, that's right. My longest holiday was only 1 month plus, which is after my O-Levels.

So the feeling is nice now, when you are typing more than you are writing.

If you ask me anything happen during my holiday, you should know there isn't any. Because I am a boring person. No, I think I am just lazy to go around. Not passionate is the word.

Went for a few job interviews. Not Big 5 though, just some small company that I dun even remember their names. No reply. Guess they know I am not gonna stay long gua. If not then I should be too suck.

Therefore, all the while, I am staying in my small room, online, youtube, and game. And should be doing my OBU. Haha. Not yet started of course.

Nothing much happen to me, but i guess a lot happen to Malaysia. You know, it's like watching a compilation of different movie. Got Infernal Affairs (无间道), House of Flying Dagger(十面埋伏), and all others you can think of.

Got Infection case, got Kena Pushed Down Case (some bigshot insisted it's a jump down case), got forever anyhow talk cock case (refering to those KOSMO ppl, and the famous dentist and the ex-PM), got gangsterism polictic case etc etc. No wonder politician is categorised as one of the high risk occupation. But High Risk, High Return. Case Reference-(Klang Palace and Dentist's Palace).

After 100 days, Najib started to distribute his candy. But all the 11 flavour also doesn't suit me at all. So I still din enjoy the benefit.

If it's candy you can dun take it if you dun like. But rattan(rotan) you sure must kena, eventhough you dun like. Public transport fee increased again. Taxi=36%, Bus Sekolah=30%, Long Journey Bus=31%. Walau wei! Public transport nowadays also not a very cheap alternative oredi. I just wonder whether their service quality will increase or not.

Teoh Beng Hock had left. It's sad to say this, but I guess this case again will go not far. The best outcome you can get is another person kena pushed out to be responsible for that. That is, if there is anyone willing to do it, like last time C4 case. 2 weeks gone. By looking at the progress, we still have to wait very long to learn the truth, and maybe that's the truth that's being made up.

Yasmin Ahmad, a true Malaysian had left too. I am ignorant, coz now only i noe those Petronas advertisements and other movies like sepet are her art piece. I love Tan Hong Ming and Umi Qazrina. That's the Malaysia that all of us long for. Her advertisement speaks louder that any slogan, any candy. She is more suitable than anyone else to speak about ONE MALAYSIA.

Politic aside.

This is the recent Drama Series I am watching.

K.O. 3anGuo--终极三国
This is the description: After getting kicked out from their 24th school for starting fights and couldn’t find another school that would accept them, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei thought it’s a God send that Liu Bei proposed to be their sworn brothers so they could enroll into the prestigious Dong Han Shu Yuan, a school exclusively for royalty, on the condition that they pay for his tuition. Though they enrolled, it didn’t mean they attended the class in peace because they must survive the school’s death traps and hostile invasion from warring schools.

Basically, it's modern world's Romance of 3 Kingdom. The funny and stupid version. LOL.



Paladin 3--仙剑奇侠传3


This drama series is based on a famous Chinese RPG game. If you have watched the 1st one, then you should continue to watch this. Vannak, if you read this, you should really watch this.

No matter how many years had passed, this game will always be remembered. All the characters will also live in my heart. Maybe that's why I don't like the ending of this drama.

And it's bothering me. It makes me feel, a little bit blue. I guess it's gonna carrying on for some time, at least for this month.


Below shots are from the last episod.

video

Credit to 情剑山河 http://blog.sina.com.cn/qjshanhe.

p/s: You are right, that's my voice. Ask me if you insist in wanting the orginal voice version. Easier if you go to the website above. Don't sue me for polluting your ears. Thank you very much.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

没有林紫菱的日子

第1640日。阴天。

请不要怪我取个这么俗的标题,呵呵。
其实若不是因为溏心风暴,我还真没想到用blog来写些东西给你。其他人如kennysia之流写了三四五年了,我却才刚开始。(你没看过溏心风暴吧?你走的时候都戏还没开拍呢!)

好久都没有给你写东西了,不过我还在学习如何做Biscotti,并没有搁下,虽然最近课程有点繁忙。

去了一趟咖啡屋,点了一杯曼特宁,但是喝下去感觉却不一样了。开始时我问侍应是不是拿错了,然后再去问店主是不是泡错了;得到的答案是100%曼特宁,外加一个“你到底有没有喝过mandheling”的眼神。

原来并不是所有的咖啡屋的曼特宁都是同一种味道的,虽然苦涩的味道大同小异,但就是好像少了什么似的。可能是咖啡豆放少了,水的温度不对了,我也说不出是什么原因。也有可能是心情不一样了。也有可能是因为我还没习惯喝曼特宁的时候没有你的笑声。

我发觉我把所有事情都想得太理所当然了,就好像现在mamak的roti telur并不是理所当然的像以前有大葱的,加大葱的附加费是20sen。

人与人,除了亲情,其他的感情也不是理所当然的,你说是吗?

我看着身边的人都在忙着facebook,friendster,msn 等等的网络通讯,爱情啊,友情啊什么的都靠这些虚拟的网络维持着。Comment来Comment回,基本上就只是几秒的时间,前提是如果大家都在网上的话。

可是,感情这东西有时像葡萄汁变成葡萄酒一样,需要时间的酝酿与发酵。

可惜网络上的facebook和msn太快了,少了时间的酝酿与发酵,因而累积的情感,来得快,去得也快。

或许,是我落伍了吧,在这个科技时代,谁还会再用笔写信交朋友啊。可是我就是喜欢写在纸上的字迹,比那些电脑荧幕上的虚拟字体多了份真心。

你也是吧?不然我们也不会因为传字条而开始。而你最后留给我的那封信我还留着,虽然到现在我还是非常讨厌信末的那五个对不起,也不再说对不起,顶多是用无关痛痒的sorry代替。

但是最近我却不得不用了那个字眼,为了一场误会,为了不成理由的理由,为了还人情;他们并不像我习惯了寂寞,他们需要朋友,尤其是女生;也亏得他们一起来向我“逼宫”,egoistic那种鬼话都说出来了,我才发觉那几个女生对他们的重要性,呵呵。都是男人啊,我都明白的,所以我也只好成全他们,免得断了他们的路,也算还了他们平时载送我这个无车阶级的情份,也算互不拖欠。

V刚刚凌晨才来找我哭诉了,乱七八糟的两三个小时,才让她的男友给带走。我那狗窝还真的是避难所啊,男啊女啊都有。J那条粉肠前几天来说与他的雌分了,硬是跟我劈了两打啤酒,丫的,害我想消一消我的啤酒肚都不行。总之有欢喜,有悲伤,有忧愁,有悲伤,甚至暧昧的,到单恋的到有。 他们的人生真是多姿多彩到台湾的偶像剧都可以来跟我取材了。

其实啊,我真的不知道人伤害人的理由到底是什么。而感情却是个双面刃,想伤害别人的永远都会伤到自己。七伤拳听过了吧,所以还是少碰为妙啊,你说是吗?

喂,问你个问题,我是个很不负责任的人吗?

我一向都觉得我不是一个胆怯的人。自从我八岁克服怕鬼的心理后,我觉得我并没有什么怕的,没有什么不敢做的。但竟然有人说我是个懦夫,说我不敢面对自己的感情,说我害怕感情,说我是一个不肯负责任的人,还有一些有的没的。我当时发神经大声地回了句说,不是我不肯负责任,而是我想负责任的机会没有了。

我想,我的语气是重了些。

五月天--你不是真正的快乐。

紫菱啊,可能假面戴得多了,我好像真的失去了感觉了。

唉,别说这些烦人又没结果的事。

你知道吗,记忆这东西虽然有时比想象中糟得多,但有时却好得出乎你想象。

我想,可能是因为我不能再见到你,所以很多关于你的记忆都非常的清晰。

就像视障人士因为看不见所以听觉比一般人敏锐,而听障人士因为听不见所以视觉比一般人敏锐的道理一样。

哎,我在语无伦次了。

不知曾几何时,我的脑海就一直在数着日子,我想并不是我刻意的去记得吧,acca那么多乱七八糟的东西都够我受了。

我的理由是,可能读会计的对数字比较敏感吧!

原来你已经离开1640天了啊!刚好四年半了。

天阴阴的,cybercafe里全都是玩L4D的咖。等下可能会下雨吧!

1640,不知道magnum4D 会开这个号码吗?呵呵。