第2250日。雨水纷飞。
也许是雨天，也许是秋末冬初，我突然想写东西给你。
你知道吗？我爸昨天进院，今天开刀动手术。医生说过这次是个小手术，但我的心却异常烦躁。我发觉原来我还是这么懦弱，原来我还是这么胆小。我很害怕不知结果的等待，在命运的强大压制下，我显得脆弱。今早一进公司，我就拼命控制我的脸部神经来保持微笑，大声说笑，不能有片刻的安静。因为我知道如果我不这么做，我会撑不过我爸动手术的这几个小时。
看到这里，我知道你又会说这是我懦弱的表现，但是我不会反驳你，呵呵。
上天菩萨保佑，我爸手术平安，虽然会有些晕，间中还有呕吐，医生说是麻醉药的副作用，但是总算是平安度过。
其实我今天本来有8小时，上星期申请的time-off，但是我却没有拿假，因为我姐有回来，但是更大的原因是因为我自认无法再面对在手术室外等候的煎熬。
我害怕会像上一次一样，看着医生从手术室里出来，摇着头的样子。医生永远不会知道，他那天除了宣布了你的离去，也让很多个心被判了无期徒刑。
呵呵，老话重提，你在那边过得还好吗?
如果你那边有四季之分，现在应该是你最喜欢的季节吧？望着满天飞雪，看着口中呼出的热气，雪人丛堆，木建的cabin, 门前两幅对联，复古式暖炉，一壶温热的碧螺春，典型的“紫菱式”中西合璧。你在那边的场景应该是这样的吧？虽然我总认为有些格格不入，呵呵。
其实，天空之上的世界是否真的如你所说的那么美好？真的没有泪水吗？如果是真的，那你真的很自私。不过我知道你又会说，在这世界上呀，总是会有人走的比较慢，有人走的比较快；而你是走得快一点的那一个，我则是走得慢一点的那个。
但是，我不甘心啊！凭什么你总是快的那一个呢？你比我快来到这个世界，每次走路的时候总是比我快一小步，表白的时候也是你先我后；你做每件事情都先我一步，急先锋称号你当之无愧。即使你离开后，我还是追赶不上你的步伐。我报考的会计专业考试，到现在都还没有大功告成，如果是你的话，恐怕早就是affiliate了吧，毕竟你那时还只剩那最后两张paper了。
呵呵，我很失败吧，你想做的东西，我到现在都还没有完成一样。你不会怪我吧？
你知道吗，我其实很多个晚上都会梦到你。不是我不想遵守诺言去忘了你，而是很多时候，我都是很平静的做着一些很简单的东西，吃饭喝水睡觉，然后就会很疼痛的想起你，真的很疼，疼得我吸了整包烟都会疼。很多时候，明明已经告诉大脑不要在梦见你，但是你却不可思议的出现。很多时候，早上醒来发觉自己在哭，但我知道我不是伤心，而是从梦境回到现实，中间有一道必须跨过的裂缝；如果不流出眼泪，我便无法跨过。
其实，是你在搞怪，对吧？你在那里寂寞了，在想我，对吧？
可是，你寂寞了，我却更寂寞。而且，我发觉寂寞这个东西，不是和朋友出来喝几杯酒，ktv唱几首快歌就可以消去的。而且，寂寞真的不能说出口，只能深埋心中，因为到头来，当我发现，寂寞是无法与人分享时，我只会得到更绝望的寂寞。呵呵，你又会在说我瞎掰了。
紫菱，很多时候，我都在想，如果你没有来到星加坡，如果我们没有相识，如果你能早一个月回到荣总，结果会是怎样？
但是，佛说前世五百次回眸，才换来今生擦肩而过。我相信，我们前世一定回眸超过一千次。我永远都不会忘记，那个雨天，我彷徨失落的坐在路肩，你撑着扇，静静地站在我身边为我挡雨。从今以后，不会再有人可以给到我那时候的感觉。
最值得保存的留恋，并非是没有皱纹的皮肤，而是没有皱纹的想念。
Monday, December 20, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
The Fake
They always said, "Actual doesn't always goes according to plan."
Well, that perfectly fit the Malaysia plan which comes every 5 years.
For the past 50 years, we have 9 Malaysia plan in total. But without me elaborating further more, we all know the plan thingie is more like a formality, something you will need to present every year, but it is of no much use. Just like the LAN subject, Moral Studies. We did it for the sake of doing it and until now I still don't know why I need to stay in the library from 9 am to 9pm on a fine friday, and carried on till 1 am in the foyer just to finish up the presentation. And I don't even do that for my ACCA subjects!
So, I presume "Malaysia Plan" = "Lan Subject".
But I personally feel Lan Subject was of greater use than the Malaysia Plan, because at least the Lan Subject can bring us joyful moment during the completion of project, orphanage visit, etc, but the Malaysia Plan only give us PAINFUL moment.
You are given beautiful promise every beginning of five years, just to realise it's in vain at the end of the five years. Not painful meh?
You are given 9 Malaysia Plan in total up to date, just to be told that you might go bankrupt in 2019. Not painful meh?
You are promised with a growing GDP since the 1970, just to realise that in 2010, we are actually not much better than our very good neighbour, Indonesia. Our not so good neighbour, Singapore, already ahead of us don't know since when. Not painful meh?
So, do you agree with me that we have to endure the painful moment every 5 years?
Today is 2010. And it's time for 1oth Malaysia Plan to be on the stage.
Do you think you still can anticipate anything from the Plan?
I would rather anticipate which country will win the World Cup.
Thus, I really could not understand why I hear so many people discussing/debating about the Plan, on TV, on newspapers, on radio, in pasar, in coffee shop, etc.
It is because no matter how perfect the whole Plan is, it would be futile in the end! It's better for us to discuss who will win in the next general election.
And yes, you might say there is a change for better in this 10th Malaysia Plan. You might say, at least there were no compulsory 30% Bumiputra shareholding for listed companies mah.
But, if you look carefully, the wording is something like this, "In 2015, Bumiputra shareholding should at least reach 30%." At of course, this wording is being made more beautiful and more acceptable to all people by saying, "This aim should be archieved with more transparency and based on meritocracy."
Talking about transparency and meritocracy in a country like Malaysia. Am I hearing a joke or what?
Because if we really want to practise transparency and meritocracy, do you know how many "RELATED-PARTY-COMPANIES" need to close shop? And how many people need to sell air syrup and mee goreng in pasar malam as a result?
If Malaysia could really practise transparency and meritocracy, we will not have a close door policy after the 1998 economy crisis and stupidly fix the forex rate at 3.80. If Anwar did not go against Mahathir and propose strongly to borrow funds from IMF and let those rotten related-party-companies to collapse, Anwar could still hold on to his Finance Minister post. The famous 'Sodomy' case will not happen. There would not be PKR also. And sorry Najib, you would probably have to wait a few years more before you could be the prime minister.
And most importantly, if we really want to practise transparency and meritocracy, what would be the reaction of Ibrahim Ali and his army PERKASA? They would probably create a big riot man!
The 10th Malaysia Plan still promises sweet candy, aiming at economic growth of 6%, an increase of 12.8% for both internal and external private investment, incentive for foreign talent, etc etc.
But, without changing the stubborn and bloody narrow mindset of certain group of people who made up nearly 70% of population of Malaysia, we could not archieve any breakthrough. We would probably going in a vicious cycle, round and round to the starting point every 5 years. And we seriously could go bankrupt in 2019 when there were no petroleum income to feed those hungry ghost anymore.
So, if there isn't any change, if PERKASA is not eliminated, the 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th Malaysia Plan would always be the same.
"Same BULLSHIT! "
(Famous quote from Ibrahim Ali)
Well, that perfectly fit the Malaysia plan which comes every 5 years.
For the past 50 years, we have 9 Malaysia plan in total. But without me elaborating further more, we all know the plan thingie is more like a formality, something you will need to present every year, but it is of no much use. Just like the LAN subject, Moral Studies. We did it for the sake of doing it and until now I still don't know why I need to stay in the library from 9 am to 9pm on a fine friday, and carried on till 1 am in the foyer just to finish up the presentation. And I don't even do that for my ACCA subjects!
So, I presume "Malaysia Plan" = "Lan Subject".
But I personally feel Lan Subject was of greater use than the Malaysia Plan, because at least the Lan Subject can bring us joyful moment during the completion of project, orphanage visit, etc, but the Malaysia Plan only give us PAINFUL moment.
You are given beautiful promise every beginning of five years, just to realise it's in vain at the end of the five years. Not painful meh?
You are given 9 Malaysia Plan in total up to date, just to be told that you might go bankrupt in 2019. Not painful meh?
You are promised with a growing GDP since the 1970, just to realise that in 2010, we are actually not much better than our very good neighbour, Indonesia. Our not so good neighbour, Singapore, already ahead of us don't know since when. Not painful meh?
So, do you agree with me that we have to endure the painful moment every 5 years?
Today is 2010. And it's time for 1oth Malaysia Plan to be on the stage.
Do you think you still can anticipate anything from the Plan?
I would rather anticipate which country will win the World Cup.
Thus, I really could not understand why I hear so many people discussing/debating about the Plan, on TV, on newspapers, on radio, in pasar, in coffee shop, etc.
It is because no matter how perfect the whole Plan is, it would be futile in the end! It's better for us to discuss who will win in the next general election.
And yes, you might say there is a change for better in this 10th Malaysia Plan. You might say, at least there were no compulsory 30% Bumiputra shareholding for listed companies mah.
But, if you look carefully, the wording is something like this, "In 2015, Bumiputra shareholding should at least reach 30%." At of course, this wording is being made more beautiful and more acceptable to all people by saying, "This aim should be archieved with more transparency and based on meritocracy."
Talking about transparency and meritocracy in a country like Malaysia. Am I hearing a joke or what?
Because if we really want to practise transparency and meritocracy, do you know how many "RELATED-PARTY-COMPANIES" need to close shop? And how many people need to sell air syrup and mee goreng in pasar malam as a result?
If Malaysia could really practise transparency and meritocracy, we will not have a close door policy after the 1998 economy crisis and stupidly fix the forex rate at 3.80. If Anwar did not go against Mahathir and propose strongly to borrow funds from IMF and let those rotten related-party-companies to collapse, Anwar could still hold on to his Finance Minister post. The famous 'Sodomy' case will not happen. There would not be PKR also. And sorry Najib, you would probably have to wait a few years more before you could be the prime minister.
And most importantly, if we really want to practise transparency and meritocracy, what would be the reaction of Ibrahim Ali and his army PERKASA? They would probably create a big riot man!
The 10th Malaysia Plan still promises sweet candy, aiming at economic growth of 6%, an increase of 12.8% for both internal and external private investment, incentive for foreign talent, etc etc.
But, without changing the stubborn and bloody narrow mindset of certain group of people who made up nearly 70% of population of Malaysia, we could not archieve any breakthrough. We would probably going in a vicious cycle, round and round to the starting point every 5 years. And we seriously could go bankrupt in 2019 when there were no petroleum income to feed those hungry ghost anymore.
So, if there isn't any change, if PERKASA is not eliminated, the 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th Malaysia Plan would always be the same.
"Same BULLSHIT! "
(Famous quote from Ibrahim Ali)
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Superman, Batman, Spiderman and 1Malaysia
Every Prime Minister of Malaysia got their own slogan/tagline. That's 1 of the way to show their own unique presence, to differentiate themselves from the previous Prime Minister.
During the satay-Mahathir days, we had the passionate 'WAWASAN 2020'. I still remember seeing those colourful posters, advertisements as well as partriotic songs during my primary school days. The then government portraited 'WAWASAN 2020' so real that I believe that it will be the reality in 20 years time. I'm once fascinated by the high-speed bullet train which I saw in 1 of the colourful posters. Back then, I always thought, what so great about US and those developed western countries? We will be at the same level too, in 20 years time, of course. Well, I was too young and too naive that time to believe something like that. Ehem, it's normal I think. Just like all of us once believe that 'Superman', 'Batman' and 'Spiderman' really exist in this world. Don't deny, everyone has its younger days.
So, it's 2010 now. Soon it'll be 2020. When China has introduced its 341km/h train, Malaysia has just imported 4 second-hand diesel train of speed 80km/h for RM30mil. And soon, I will have to painfully accept the fact that Malaysia Bullet Train remans as a fantasy. Yes, just like the facet that Superman actually doesn't exist.
Then, we had blah-la-la Pak Lah trying his hardest in the effort of OPPOSING CORRUPTION, soon after he had won the 11th General Election. To solve a problem, we usually set up a committee. So Anti-Corruption Agency a.k.a SPRM is set up. But it proved that to cut off the root of all evil in the government required more determination and preserverance than what Pak Lah equiped of. Look at the result. Malaysia's corruption ranking had fallen to 56, from 47 last year. We were ranked 23 in 1995 and today, we fell to the lowest ranking. We are moving backwards with SPRM. How could the ranking fall even after they have 'done so many' and put in so much of manpower and resources?
It appears to be the lack of political commitments. More and more cases are lieft unsettled while those cases brought to court ended up in loss. Where are the big fish that SPRM claimed? Please pardon my ignorance as I did not see any significant effort in countering corrouption.
Even if there is, it would probably be SENSITIVE and SECRETIVE, just like the landslide case.
What about V.K.Lingam's case? What about PKFZ scandal? And most importantly, what about mysterious death of Teoh Beng Hock? I use the word 'mysterious' and you know why. I do not want to end up like Mr. Lim Guan Eng. It has come to a point that we could not voice out our concern, we are banned from speculation, even if the truth is so obvious.
And all of us know, these cases will soon be entering the cooling period. And soon they will fade off because there are too many other issues arise that require our attention. GST, sugar subsidy, stolen engin, etc and etc. The government view all Malaysian as good citizen because of the 'nilai-nilai murni' or cultures such as forgetful and forgiveful. Every year, we will tell each other 'maaf zahir batin', and then every 5 years, we will forget all the bad that the government have done and voted them again.
These are the core values of a good citizen in Malaysia. And we are being treated like a small kid.
"Weep no more, boy, here is your little candy," said the Government.
Now, 2010. c4-maN-AJIB's Greatest Hits, "1MALAYSIA".
I wonder, what does 1Malaysia mean? I always thought it means '1Malaysia for all Malaysian'. But my rational again reminds me to grow up and don't believe in 'Spiderman' anymore. Marvel's heroes only exist in fantasy world.
Because, if 'great minds think alike', lol, then this tagline/slogan is super duper behind time again, for like 45 years.
In 1964, the then Secretary-General of PAP, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew once introduced 'Malaysian Malaysia'. This has stirred up a huge and violent consequence and resulted in the permanent separation of Republic of Singapore from Federation of Malaysia. I bet the 'Singaporean Singapore' now will be greatly relieved that they are OUT from the Bermuda Triangle that all Malaysian are going around now.
Ok, I am a coward and to prevent myself being ISAed or burnt for 'playing with fire' like what Mr. Lim Kit Siang had done in 1999, I will make the following statement: Mr. Lee Kuan Yew's 'Malaysian Malaysia' is different from Mr. Najib's '1Malaysia' because Mr. Lee opposed Article 153 of the Constitution of Malaysia. Err, somemore, I myself personally super support Article 153 lo.
Alright, abit out of topic. What I am trying to say is '1Malaysia' is just another propaganda, tagline, slogan and 'candy' for them to gain back their votes in the coming 13th General Election. And this propaganda isn't cheap as professional image designers are hired to make this a successful brainwash, using taxpayers' money of course.
Sorry people, for I know it's cruel to wake you all up from this beautiful sweet dream, but this is life and we do not live in the fantasy world like what the government trying to create. I feel super sad also when I first realised that my bullet-train is in vain. All the Christian out there, I also feel your pain when you wake up from your peaceful dream to learn that your churchs were burnt down.
To face the reality is super hard I know. Just like it took me very very long like 10 hours to realise that I am actually short, ugly and could not get a girl friend like Megan Fox.
The same goes to all the Malaysian. Malaysia is turning 53 years old this year, and we are all super grown up liao. Don't you think it is high time that we wake up to face the fact that 'Superman', 'Batman', and 'Spiderman' and all other upcoming Marvel's heroes only live in fantasy world while we are living in reality?
It took us super super long like 52 years to go through the 1969 Riots, 1971 New Economic Policy(NEP), Keris High-Five, Little Indian Temple, Chinese Squatters and the most recent Flaming Church. Sorry to say this, we actually know very well that there is a BIG DIFFERENCE between us:
You can spit out all kind of racial remarks and make all kind of disgusting gestures and only be suspended for a mere 1 year; but a gentle voice of mine or a Negarakuku song of mine would make me ended up in deep shit, jailed and even have to escape to other country.
You can have your demonstration openly and approved by the PM and shouted out loud loud for mere matters like translation of the name of GOD/Tuhan/etc, but I could not have my peaceful and romantic candle-light gathering for freedom of speech.
Therefore, YOU and ME know freaking well that YOU are DIFFERENT from ME. After numerous incidents, we already accepted the cruel fact that fair rights could not be given to all of us. So, please do not spent more money and effort on these futile slogans or taglines, just like those incomplete government project and white elephants. The word is 'ACTION speaks louder than all kind of SLOGANS'.
I would be happier and more grateful that you use all those money spent on these futile projects to subsidise the sugar of my teh tarik at the mamak stall or the water that my 'SLK'(Small Little Kancil) drink at the petrol station.
No matter how loud you shouted the slogan/tagline, no matter how sweet the little temporary 'candy' you give, we all are mature enough to realise the ugly truth behind all these as we are no longer small kids that believe in Superman anymore.
The TRUTH is, I always thought that I am a bloody racist, but, there are always people out there who are very much worse and more low life than me.
During the satay-Mahathir days, we had the passionate 'WAWASAN 2020'. I still remember seeing those colourful posters, advertisements as well as partriotic songs during my primary school days. The then government portraited 'WAWASAN 2020' so real that I believe that it will be the reality in 20 years time. I'm once fascinated by the high-speed bullet train which I saw in 1 of the colourful posters. Back then, I always thought, what so great about US and those developed western countries? We will be at the same level too, in 20 years time, of course. Well, I was too young and too naive that time to believe something like that. Ehem, it's normal I think. Just like all of us once believe that 'Superman', 'Batman' and 'Spiderman' really exist in this world. Don't deny, everyone has its younger days.
So, it's 2010 now. Soon it'll be 2020. When China has introduced its 341km/h train, Malaysia has just imported 4 second-hand diesel train of speed 80km/h for RM30mil. And soon, I will have to painfully accept the fact that Malaysia Bullet Train remans as a fantasy. Yes, just like the facet that Superman actually doesn't exist.
Then, we had blah-la-la Pak Lah trying his hardest in the effort of OPPOSING CORRUPTION, soon after he had won the 11th General Election. To solve a problem, we usually set up a committee. So Anti-Corruption Agency a.k.a SPRM is set up. But it proved that to cut off the root of all evil in the government required more determination and preserverance than what Pak Lah equiped of. Look at the result. Malaysia's corruption ranking had fallen to 56, from 47 last year. We were ranked 23 in 1995 and today, we fell to the lowest ranking. We are moving backwards with SPRM. How could the ranking fall even after they have 'done so many' and put in so much of manpower and resources?
It appears to be the lack of political commitments. More and more cases are lieft unsettled while those cases brought to court ended up in loss. Where are the big fish that SPRM claimed? Please pardon my ignorance as I did not see any significant effort in countering corrouption.
Even if there is, it would probably be SENSITIVE and SECRETIVE, just like the landslide case.
What about V.K.Lingam's case? What about PKFZ scandal? And most importantly, what about mysterious death of Teoh Beng Hock? I use the word 'mysterious' and you know why. I do not want to end up like Mr. Lim Guan Eng. It has come to a point that we could not voice out our concern, we are banned from speculation, even if the truth is so obvious.
And all of us know, these cases will soon be entering the cooling period. And soon they will fade off because there are too many other issues arise that require our attention. GST, sugar subsidy, stolen engin, etc and etc. The government view all Malaysian as good citizen because of the 'nilai-nilai murni' or cultures such as forgetful and forgiveful. Every year, we will tell each other 'maaf zahir batin', and then every 5 years, we will forget all the bad that the government have done and voted them again.
These are the core values of a good citizen in Malaysia. And we are being treated like a small kid.
"Weep no more, boy, here is your little candy," said the Government.
Now, 2010. c4-maN-AJIB's Greatest Hits, "1MALAYSIA".
I wonder, what does 1Malaysia mean? I always thought it means '1Malaysia for all Malaysian'. But my rational again reminds me to grow up and don't believe in 'Spiderman' anymore. Marvel's heroes only exist in fantasy world.
Because, if 'great minds think alike', lol, then this tagline/slogan is super duper behind time again, for like 45 years.
In 1964, the then Secretary-General of PAP, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew once introduced 'Malaysian Malaysia'. This has stirred up a huge and violent consequence and resulted in the permanent separation of Republic of Singapore from Federation of Malaysia. I bet the 'Singaporean Singapore' now will be greatly relieved that they are OUT from the Bermuda Triangle that all Malaysian are going around now.
Ok, I am a coward and to prevent myself being ISAed or burnt for 'playing with fire' like what Mr. Lim Kit Siang had done in 1999, I will make the following statement: Mr. Lee Kuan Yew's 'Malaysian Malaysia' is different from Mr. Najib's '1Malaysia' because Mr. Lee opposed Article 153 of the Constitution of Malaysia. Err, somemore, I myself personally super support Article 153 lo.
Alright, abit out of topic. What I am trying to say is '1Malaysia' is just another propaganda, tagline, slogan and 'candy' for them to gain back their votes in the coming 13th General Election. And this propaganda isn't cheap as professional image designers are hired to make this a successful brainwash, using taxpayers' money of course.
Sorry people, for I know it's cruel to wake you all up from this beautiful sweet dream, but this is life and we do not live in the fantasy world like what the government trying to create. I feel super sad also when I first realised that my bullet-train is in vain. All the Christian out there, I also feel your pain when you wake up from your peaceful dream to learn that your churchs were burnt down.
To face the reality is super hard I know. Just like it took me very very long like 10 hours to realise that I am actually short, ugly and could not get a girl friend like Megan Fox.
The same goes to all the Malaysian. Malaysia is turning 53 years old this year, and we are all super grown up liao. Don't you think it is high time that we wake up to face the fact that 'Superman', 'Batman', and 'Spiderman' and all other upcoming Marvel's heroes only live in fantasy world while we are living in reality?
It took us super super long like 52 years to go through the 1969 Riots, 1971 New Economic Policy(NEP), Keris High-Five, Little Indian Temple, Chinese Squatters and the most recent Flaming Church. Sorry to say this, we actually know very well that there is a BIG DIFFERENCE between us:
You can spit out all kind of racial remarks and make all kind of disgusting gestures and only be suspended for a mere 1 year; but a gentle voice of mine or a Negarakuku song of mine would make me ended up in deep shit, jailed and even have to escape to other country.
You can have your demonstration openly and approved by the PM and shouted out loud loud for mere matters like translation of the name of GOD/Tuhan/etc, but I could not have my peaceful and romantic candle-light gathering for freedom of speech.
Therefore, YOU and ME know freaking well that YOU are DIFFERENT from ME. After numerous incidents, we already accepted the cruel fact that fair rights could not be given to all of us. So, please do not spent more money and effort on these futile slogans or taglines, just like those incomplete government project and white elephants. The word is 'ACTION speaks louder than all kind of SLOGANS'.
I would be happier and more grateful that you use all those money spent on these futile projects to subsidise the sugar of my teh tarik at the mamak stall or the water that my 'SLK'(Small Little Kancil) drink at the petrol station.
No matter how loud you shouted the slogan/tagline, no matter how sweet the little temporary 'candy' you give, we all are mature enough to realise the ugly truth behind all these as we are no longer small kids that believe in Superman anymore.
The TRUTH is, I always thought that I am a bloody racist, but, there are always people out there who are very much worse and more low life than me.
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